No. Parents cannot be objective when it comes to their child. Now being a dad,  I already know I will never be completely objective when it comes to my kids. My opinions about them or reactions to situations involving them will always be influenced by the fact that they are my kids. Even when consciously trying to be objective, parents still fall short as they cannot sever all emotion when it comes to their child. To not have any type of bias for their child is a completely unrealistic and unreasonable expectation to put on a parent.

As I heard one parent put it, “My child is my heart. When I look at him, I see my heart outside of my body running around on the field playing.”

Not only a heartwarming sentiment, it is probably an accurate description of how most parents see their kids. If this is true, can coaches really ever expect a parent to approach a situation as objective as they would like? Instead of expecting parents to view a situation from only a coach's perspective, a coach can utilize a parent's subjective perspective to help do a better job in coaching the parent's child.

First, by having an open understanding of how parents will react to some decisions will help a coach avoid approaching situations with parents regarding their child with a combative, “I don’t understand what your problem is,” attitude. By having empathy to how a parent can be over protective and sensitive to how their child is treated or made to feel, a coach can communicate in a way that shows he understands the parent's feelings versus communicating in a manner that dismisses their feelings as nothing more than just irrational.

Great youth coaches are not just good at relating and teaching players. Great coaches are also exceptional at communicating and collaborating with parents of the players on the team. From the beginning, excellent youth coach do not take a “you vs. me” approach with the parents when it comes to helping the kids. Instead, they understand they have a very important role, and the parents are showing a tremendous amount of trust to allow the coach to be a part of their child’s soccer development.

When there are bumps in the road over the course of the season, it is inevitable there will be disagreements between the coach and parents. It should be expected, not a surprise. Most of those "bumps in the road" will be the way something is perceived by a parent that happened or may not be happening with their child. It is natural that parents have an urge to protect their children. It is a healthy urge and it is probably better than not caring at all. Being too far on the other side of the protective spectrum of protectiveness is not beneficial for the player, but I believe most parents fall in the middle.

Coaches run into trouble when they treat parents who have concerns like irrational people who are bordering on a psychotic episode versus treating an upset parent like an upset parent. When working with parents, I try to approach it from three perspectives:

1. How did I see it?
2. How did the parents see it?
3. How did the player experience it?

When meeting with a parent about their child, by looking at all three of these perspectives, understanding the reasoning behind them, it helps find an appropriate resolution for everyone, and most importantly, it will benefit the player. When parents know that you care about how they perceive what is going on (even if you don't agree), you try to work with them to help them understand your perspective (even though they might not agree), and provide insight into what is going on with their child, it creates transparency in the process for everyone involved. It allows everyone to begin to see the same picture and share an understanding of each others expectations. Although understanding does not equate agreement and full support, understanding allows for a mutual respect of each person’s perspective.

There is no benefit to anyone for a coach to simply dismiss a parent’s frustration as the parent being irrational or just believe the parent does not get it. On the flip side, it does not benefit anyone for the parent to immediately believe a coach is "out to get" their child or is intentionally treating their child unfairly. Although both could be true, I think part of a youth coach’s job is to help parents work through some of the frustrations they are bound to experience as their child plays sports, and the parents need to listen to the coach's rational for his approach before jumping to conclusions. As parents get more frustrated and the coach becomes less responsive, the only person who really begins to suffer is the player. There are times when there will never be agreement between the coach and the parent, but a mutual respect can be established and kept with open lines of communication and a willingness to see things from another person's perspective.

Coaches cannot head into a season thinking parents are going to be objective about what goes on with their child. When coaches do, and seem shocked or angered by a parent’s reaction, then they are also not being objective in the way they are interpreting the situation. The coaches are only viewing it from their own point of view about how they think the parent should feel or act. The coaches are not opening up their own understanding of where the parents are coming from in regards to their child.

When I was not a parent, it was harder for me to ask this question, but I ask it now all the time, “If that was my child, how would I react?” Even if I would react differently, it starts me thinking from the parent’s perspective and helps me anticipate how a parent will perceive my actions. This either convinces me to take a different course of action, or if I still feel what I did or need to do is right, I find a way that would help me as a parent understand the decision that was made. In essence, what would I want or need to hear if that was my kid?

I am not giving parents a pass to just overreact to everything that happens to their child. As stated, although it is expected parents will not be completely objective when it comes to their child, it can be expected for parents to listen to a coach's reason behind decisions before forming their own conclusions. Honestly, I do not think that is how most parents approach things with their child anyway. The problem is some parents do go overboard, and they do not try to talk with the coach and just jump to conclusions. Then other parents, who want to address a concern the right way, are treated like an irrational parent by the coach when a concerned is raised. Most parents have rational concerns when it comes to their kids, and the coach can, and should, be there to help alleviate those concerns or be a sounding board for parents to express their concerns. By working together, the coach and parents become partners, not adversaries, in the child’s soccer experience.

So, again, can parents be objective? For the most part, no, but I know many try to be to some degree. But you know what? Most coaches have a hard time being objective too although they try to be. With that in mind, how about we all put aside our pride and fear of being wrong, and be willing to work together to improve the child’s soccer experience by seeing things through a wider and more comprehensive lens than just our own biased view. The coaches and parents who approach issues with mutual respect for each other's subjective view points find it easier to come work together in the best interest of the player.